The Gurgitators

Our family sits glued to the Nathan’s International 2008 Hot Dog Eating Contest. Last year, the record was 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes.

They call the eaters “gurgitators.”

I’m about to add the “re-”. Joey Chestnut (NYC) dethroned the perennial champ–Takeru Kobayashi (Japan)–so this is a major rematch. It’s a lot of fun to watch. They really make it a spectacle. I wish I were on Coney Island right now.

Maybe not.

Oh…2 Chicagoans. They make us look weird. One is wearing a mask and the other a spiked mohawk.

Okay. Now I’ve seen everything. They’re now a professional sports circuit called MLE. That’s Major League Eaters. Can you believe it? Wow!

What a great country!

Where do I sign up?

I love the play by play.  They say things like, “Right now, the two best are neck and neck.”  Right now, at the halfway point, Chestnut is still in the lead, but Kobayashi is beginning to close!  “About a two dog difference, and both of them have a dog in the pipe.”  “He’s also the tamale eating champ from Lousiville, Texas.”

Where do they come up with brilliance like this?

There’s Bertoletti, who is the ice cream eating champion AND the pickled jalapeno eating champion.  He’s my role model.  Kobayahsi is playing wounded;  he has a bad case of ‘jaw-thritis”.  He’s leading right now. He’s downed 51 to Chestnut’s 50.  They’re dunking their buns, squeezing them small, inhaling then, cramming dogs down their throats.  It’s amazing.

Kobayashi now leads 54-52.  It’s soooo exciting.  My kids are engrossed and grossed.

We did a 40 second wild countdown in our house.

Final score… Joey Chestnut 59… Takeru Kobayashi 59.  Now what?

A five-dog eat off.  They call it a DOG-OFF.  It’s the first ever.  Wow!  Am I glad I didn’t miss it.  Whoever downs 5 hot dogs first wins.  Amazing.  Ready, Set, Go!  My stomach is churning.  I have to look away.  And the winner is….  Joey Chestnut!  The Yellow Mustard Belt stays in America!  Hooray!!!  Our kids celebrate!

Maybe I have the spiritual gift of gurgitation.

My favorite line from the commetators:  “The passions may be raw but the hot dogs are cooked.”

Two Excellent Bible Study Tools

BibleMap.org

Actually, two tools in one. I’m preparing some talks for a conference for our missionaries in Africa, and I’ll be teaching through the whole book of Ruth. I wanted to find out how far it was from Bethlehem to Moab, so I did some online research. I didn’t find the answer to my question, but I found a most excellent Bible study tool.

Check out BibleMap.org. It’s what happens when Google Maps crashes into the Bible. Look up a verse, say Acts 1:4, and you’ll find locations highlighted. Click “Jerusalem” in the accompanying Bible, and the map will show you the location and even open some photos.

Like regular Google Maps, you can either view a map, a satellite picture, or a hybrid. No more getting lost during Paul’s missionary journeys! No excuse for 40 years wandering in the wilderness! No need to even stop for directions! BibleMap.org is here! A most excellent resource… but it gets better…

The English Standard Version of the Bible

Because it incorporates a second tool… my new favorite translation of the Bible. The ESV has been wowing me lately for several reasons. That’s the English Standard Version of the Bible… which you can find online here.

First, its translational philosophy can’t be beat. From the forward: The ESV is an “essentially literal” translation that seeks as far as possible to capture the precise wording of the original text and the personal style of each Bible writer. As such, its emphasis is on “word-for-word” correspondence, at the same time taking into account differences of grammar, syntax, and idiom between current literary English and the original languages. Thus it seeks to be transparent to the original text, letting the reader see as directly as possible the structure and meaning of the original. Home run, guys! A dynamic equivalence translation, like the New Living, is GREAT for reading large sections, but you need a word-for-word translation to do real, in-depth study.

Second, you’ll find the ESV highly readable. Sometimes literal translations aren’t easy reading: I love and recommend the NASB, but it just doesn’t flow sometimes. Ditto for New King James Version. They’re highly accurate, but a little less readable. So far, the ESV does really well at both, in my opinion.

Third, it has been coupled with Leland and Phillip Ryken’s most excellent Literary Study Bible. Let this be your next Bible. In fact, order through this link, and I’ll make some pennies (literally) and give it all to our church’s upcoming capital campaign. Leland Ryken was my wonderful literature professor at Wheaton College. Incomparably smart and witty, he made literature come alive. And he gave me tools to analyze the bible as literature. And now it all comes together in the Literary Study Bible. I think literary analysis makes or breaks preaching, especially in narrative sections of Scripture.

But, wait! There’s more!!!! When you buy the Literary Study Bible, you obtain a password to an online version of both the Bible and the study notes!

Click here to read the preface and to learn more.

Click here to buy it… you won’t be sorry. While you’re there, go ahead and sign up for the very rare, and therefore valuable, Wiseguys Theological Newsletter.

Happy BibleMapping and Bible Study!

The Mystery of the Missing ES

He don’t want me?

I know that typos create themselves in the dead of night, but there’s no excuse for “He don’t want me” as an opening sentence. Yet there it was, staring me in the face. I laughed at myself, glad I caught it. I’ve been working on a second book, Living Large with Other People’s Craziness. This one is based on Esther. So far, I have about 140 pages complete (out of a projected 225). I figured it was time to print a hardcopy, and let my first critic (my wife) review it.

I made a nice binder gave it to Margi, only to discover that I’d messed up the opening sentence. Then, we saw I had messed up the title. It didn’t say Craziness, but Crazins. Now, I’ll be the first to crave a crazin, but that’s not what my book is about.

Later, we figured out that every time the letters “es” occurred, they were missing. Care to guess what these es-less words are?

• ther
• ey
• mh
• cht
• don’t

46 out of 140 pages suffered the mysterious malady. What happened?

My theory is this: somehow, I opened up the find/replace window on Word. I put “es” in the find box, nothing in the replace box, and hit return. That made it suck out all the “es-es” until I clicked stop. I have a vague recollection of something like that, but don’t remember for sure.

I started fix it it, one misspelled word at a time. Then I realized that I have a backup. Two backups, actually, one on google docs and the other on my backup hard drive at church.

So, after a little cutting and pasting, problem solved. The moral of the story: backup your files. The other moral: don’t do random acts of find/replace.

My agent will be pitching this book later next month, so please pray for an eager publisher! Thanks.

All Good

We’re all fine here.  God has answered many prayers:  there is virtually no wind and it’s humid.  So the fires aren’t moving much, most of the evacuation orders have been lifted, and we had our son’s birthday party today (14 kids at 10:00 a.m.).  Actually, he’s 5.5, but since his birthday’s on Christmas day, we have a party in June!

We’ve had some really nice sunsets… and a few new ideas on how God might pull off “The sun shall be turned into darkness, And the moon into blood, Before the coming of the great and awesome day of the LORD.” Joe 2:31.

Great weekend at church.  An outstanding job by our worship team, under Jon Lepinski’s leadership.  And an okay sermon by me!

Thanks for the offers of help, the expressions of concern, and the many prayers.  We’re doing fine.  It doesn’t even smell smoky.  Pray for the firefighters!  Thanks.

What Valuables Would You Gather?

I took this picture from my back porch last night at 5:30.  After a smoke-filled day, God treated us to a north wind that blew the inversion away.  By mid-afternoon, the smoke disappeared and the sky cleared.  For the first time in a week, we could see the mountains in the distance, including Mt Shasta (60 miles away).

At dinner time, we noticed the thick plume of smoke in the picture.  I measured on Google Earth:  it was 6 miles away, and the wind blew its smoke our way.  Every fire has a name.  This one is called, The Motion Fire.  It is about 5,000 acres, 10 percent containment, southwest of Shasta Dam.  Here’s an article… If you look closely, you’ll see Mt Shasta very faintly to the right of the smoke.  On the map below, we’re in the middle top of California… in the middle of all the fires.  Each little fire on the map represents 100 or so smaller fires, tens of thousands of acres ablaze!

What valuables would you gather if you had to evacuate?  We didn’t have to leave or anything, but we did box up our irreplaceable treasures in case we had to make a midnight run.  Here’s our list.  What would be on yours?

1. Pictures, picture albums, wedding albums.
2. A special framed picture I gave Margi as a gift:   of a lifeguard tower from a beach by Northwestern Univ. where we were sitting when I told Margi “I love you” for the first time.  I took the picture, had it enlarged, sepia-toned, matted, and made a frame from 100 year old barnwood.
3. The file drawer with all our papers, certificates, policies, and documents (the whole drawer).
4. Framed pictures of our family and kids.
5. Memory boxes–one big bin for each child, loaded with mementos.
6. Memory card boxes–Margi writes down memorable events from our kids, first steps, first tooth loss, funny actions, special school projects, infant outfits, etc… on 4×6 cards and puts them in a box.  When they’re older, the kids will get their box.
7. Margi’s wedding gown.  The most beautiful ever.  Our daughter looks like one day, it will fit her perfectly!  (But no pressure)
8. Video tapes and cameras.  The documentary of our lives.
9. Each kid got to put together  backpack… Josie wants to bring her precious collection of little glass animals and houses.  She’s into miniatures right now.  Don’t forget the American Girl investments!
10. Oh…  Don’t forget the Hamster!

Other stuff on the way out the door:

• Turn of the gas, and close the valve on the propane tank.
• Get your flammable outdoor furniture away from the house or in the garage–it acts like an incendiary under the eaves.
• Wet the roof and the perimeter of your yard.
• Leave on lights throughout the house so fire-fighters can see your house and what’s inside if needed.
• Pray for the fire-fighters.

We’re expecting more DRY THUNDERSTORMS this evening.  Yikes!  In the Midwest, we called it heat-lightning.  Here we call it ignition.

I know there were a few more items we packed, but that’s all I remember for now.  So, if you had an hour to evacuate, what would you throw into the back of the van?

For one shining moment, we felt the reality of Hebrews 11:13… “These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.”   We’re pilgrims.  We’re ready to go.  We’re leaving this this stuff packed till the end of fire season.

Yeah… I’m glad I’m insured, too.  And the fire seems contained right now, or at least it isn’t heading our direction.  Pray for this weekend and the coming storm.  Pray for the weary firefighters.  Pray for our neighbors throughout northern CA, and those who’ve been evacuated or lost their homes.

The Weirdest Season

How weird is our family’s life right now?

• Today, I’m getting a TYPHOID shot.  It goes along with the Polio, Hepatitis A & B, Tetanus, Malaria… and all the other shots I’m getting in preparation for a trip to Africa.  I’ll be speaking to a group of missionaries in Bongolo on a retreat.  But, I’m off to get my shots!  Weird.
• We live in SMOKE.  Northern California is ablaze right now.  Blame it on a freak electrical storm.  Over 1,000 lighting strikes hit the Whiskeytown National Recreation Area–8 minutes from our house.  We watched as lighting stuck the mountain tops around us.  Quite a show.  But now,  100 forest fires burn, most in inaccessible ravines where there are no roads and no way to fight the fire.  It’s okay, except for the smoke.  We’re in the north end of a valley–and we have fires burning at every compass heading.  However the wind blows, it blows smoke our direction.  People with breathing problems have been advised to stay indoors.  We’ve kept the smell out of the house, but it’s a losing battle.  We’re looking at air purifiers.  The views are gone.  Ash falls on our cars.
• Margi and I are taking turns sleeping in the living room with POPCORN so at least one of us can get a good night’s sleep.  One of us is in charge of the puppy.  The other is in charge of the kids.  Pathetic, isn’t it.
• I’m out of coffee.  Extra pathetic.  I found an old mini-bag of Yuban and made it.  Yucch.
• Hammy is fine, but he hides in the tube when we try to play with him.
• Mike finished our alarm.  Thanks Mike.  When we built our house, I bought an alarm system online.  I prewired the doors and house for motion sensers, door sensers, fire sensors, phone connections, sirens, etc.  Then, when it came time to install the system, I was in waaaaay over my head.  The manuals were too technical, and the wiring was too confusing.  In steps Mike, who owns an alarm company, to finish the wiring.  How gracious!  And we’re so appreciative.  And comforted knowing that any bad guys will get a rude awakening.
• We live in a dust bowl.  Ron & Steve are putting in a driveway.  It’s been gravel for 2 years, and now we’re putting in asphalt.  We decided to wait till petroleum products were priced higher than ever before.  Hah!  Most days either a bulldozer or cement trucks (for curbing), or other workers are starting around 7:00 a.m.
• My book is proceeding.  Some very kind people agreed to write a forward and various endorsements–you know, the stuff you see on the back cover from some famous person who encourages you to buy the book.  It’s really humbling, and I’m very grateful.
• My shoulder hurts; a side effect from the first shots–I can’t lift my right arm without a line of owie-ness running from my shoulder up my neck to my ear.  Waaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!  And I have to get a TYPHOID shot today.   Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
• Our kids are beautiful.  And bored with summer.
• I tried to change the thermostat in my Blazer, but couldn’t.  I needed metric deep sockets.  I bought a set at Harbor Freight, and changed it no problem.  Still leaked.  So I put in Alumaseal.  Still leaked.  So I looked at the radiator connections.  I don’t have a good history changing radiators.  So I brought it in and spent $221.00 on a rebuilt.  Waaaaahhhhhh!!!!
• The kids are in Karate and enjoy it.  Our daughter (age 7) will do dance camp soon.  Our son will have surgery this fall (remove a lump) and our daughter will have braces this summer.  Stuff we never planned on…
• And we have boxes and stuff strategically stacked so Popcorn doesn’t get into the living/dining room area where he likes to do toilet duty.  So moving from one side of the house to the other requires climbing over stuff.
• We had a Luau with 54 people at our house, and a French dinner cancelled and turned to hamburgers, and a Transformer party coming up for our son’s 5.5 birthday.
• Church is going really well;  a very minor summer slump, but nothing like previous years.  And God is working…
• Through our weirdest season.

Does Salvation Have a “Moment”?

As I grew up, the preachers I heard and read referred to “the MOMENT of salvation.” They viewed the inauguration of salvation as an instantaneous event. Much like birth: you can write down the date and time on a birth certificate. It is like crossing a threshold, either you’re in or out. There’s not much gray area.

Maybe that’s why Amazing Grace was so popular: I once was lost, but now I’m found/was blind, but now I see. There’s a BEFORE/AFTER sense to salvation.

Maybe that’s also why Christians can ask, “Are you saved?” There’s a dividing line, a delineating moment. A crisis experience.

I believe that salvation has a moment. That moment is distinguished by faith, or as John Newton put it, “how precious did that grace appear/the hour I first believed.”

This is not to say…

• that all Christians remember that moment. I don’t. I have only vague memories of it because I was so young.
• that the moment itself isn’t long in coming. For some, the move to faith is sudden and decisive, like flipping on a light switch. For others, it is gradual, like the coming of dawn. In either case, the light has come. But salvation doesn’t occur until that moment we claim by faith, and trust in the finished work of Jesus Christ.
• that there’s no linear aspect after salvation’s inauguration. Our emerging church friends rightly point out that an emphasis on the moment of salvation so often means a de-emphasis on the rest of the Christian life. We must be concerned with both. BUT… initial salvation RESCUES A SOUL FROM CONDEMNATION, so that’s why I believe in the priority of evangelism (getting people saved).

Let’s look at a Scripture or two:

• “As you have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,” Col 2:6. Notice the two phases in this verse. “As you have received…” There’s the MOMENT of salvation, expressed beautifully in an aorist indicative verb (for you James). A past tense verb, which in this case what’s called a “punctiliar aktionsart”, a “point of time” quality. There’s a point in time when you received Jesus. After that, the verb, “walk” is in the present indicative, referring to the ongoing lifestyle of our post-salvation Christian experience.
• “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:” Joh 1:12. Again, the moment of salvation is captured in the aorist (timeless) verb, “received.” It is proper to ask whether or not a person has received Jesus. In this case, John explains what he means by receiving Jesus: Believing on his name. Faith alone in the person and work of Christ. You receive him by believing in him, trusting in him, and relying upon him. When the word believe is coupled with the preposition “in” or “on” you have one of the strongest expressions for trust.
• ““I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Ga 2:20. When was Paul crucified with Christ? At the moment of his salvation. Here, the verb is in the perfect, passive, indicative. The perfect tense indicates an action that was completed in the past, once for all, with abiding results. After that, he can say, “Christ lives in me, and the life which i now live…”
• “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,” Eph 2:8. I much prefer the old KJV translation here; modern English has gone away from the conventions on translating perfect tense verbs. The old KJV reads, “for by grace are ye saved.” The main verb, “saved” is put in an English past tense, and the helping verb, “are” is put in the present. Why? To differentiate a perfect (completed) action from past action. English doesn’t do this very well. “Saved” is in the perfect tense… an action completed in the past, with abiding results into the present. “Are saved” expresses both perfectly, don’t you think? We could translate… “for by grace you were saved in the past with the result that you are saved now and will always be saved…”

Salvation is more than inviting people to be active in the church. It is more than welcoming lost people into community with Christians. It is not something we grow into, though we grow toward it. Still, at the end of the process, there must come a crisis. There must come a full dawn. That moment of we first believed. That moment we crossed the line, whether we remember it or not.

That’s why, in one sense. all Christians have the same testimony, like the father said of his prodigal son: “‘It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’”” Lu 15:32.

Kiss Father’s Day Goodbye…

Another sign of the times…

Politically correct educators in Scotland have banned kids from making Father’s Day Cards.  Political correctness run amok.  Administrators didn’t want to offend sensitive children who have no dad or who live with lesbian couples.  Here’s the story.

I’m in favor of banning kids from saying the days of the week.  I’m offended by references to pagan gods like Thor (Thursday) and Odin (Wedensday).  Can I sue?

God help us.

Sanctification, What is It?

For Steve, since you asked..

1. TERMS: Let’s start by recognizing that in some contexts, it is synonymous with salvation. But that’s not the norm. In most contexts, the idea of sanctification occupies the time/space between your salvation and your death. The words in both Greek and Hebrew mean “to make holy.”

What is it, and how does it happen?

Love is the Result of Spiritual Maturity

Love is the result of spiritual maturity.  It is an after-effect.  It is not, therefore, an action that we can simply urge our church people to go out and do. “Hey church, be more loving.” It’s like saying, “Hey, two-year-old, quit drooling.” Self-centeredness goes hand in hand with immaturity.

The root problem of the Christian witness in our culture today is NOT that we are sending unloving Christians into the world, though that may be the case.  It is that we are sending immature Christians into the world.  Because very few churches have a coherent philosophy of how to mature the saints for the works of the ministry.  Very few have a well-articulated theology of sanctification or discipleship.  And so we have ill-equipped, but emotionally pumped, spiritual children trying to do a grown-up’s work.  And, to the ultra-sensitive world, it smells fishy.

Have you given thought lately to the Love Chapter?

“But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.” 1Co 13:10.

What is meant by that which is “perfect”?  There is only one valid option, if you ask me.  Take out the word “perfect” and stick in the words “spiritually mature” and the whole passage makes sense.  By they way, the same Greek word is translated mature in both other uses in this book (2:6; 14:20).  So why not here?

Paul is saying that when spiritual maturity comes, spiritual incompleteness goes away.  Because love is the RESULT of spiritual maturity.  Now, Paul describes the changes that occur as a Christian grows mature and deep in the Lord.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1Co 13:11.

The first result is A SHIFT FROM CHILDISHNESS TO ADULTHOOD.  Yet, how few Christians and churches have the patience for this long process.  The American Church has become afflicted with a bad case of instant gratification.  Get saved, and get busy.  It used to be Get saved, Grow up, then Get busy.

“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. . .” 1Co 13:12.

The second result is A SHIFT FROM SELF-ABSORPTION TO CONCERN FOR OTHERS.  When you’re looking into a mirror, who are you looking at?  Yourself.  And that is the focus of an immature person.  But when maturity comes–and ONLY when maturity comes–do we possess the emotional/spiritual capacity to practice true love.  That’s when see “face to face”–that’s when I’m looking at you, not just at myself all the time.

“…Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” 1Co 13:12.

The third result is A SHIFT FROM SUPERFICIALITY TO TRANSPARENCY.  Or as Paul puts it, knowing in part (superficiality) to knowing just as I am known (transparency).  Immature Christians are too fragile to be real and authentic.  They cover up, wear masks, and pretend to be better than they are.  And really, it’s hard to do otherwise–because in immaturity, we tie our worth to our production, not to our status in Christ.

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1Co 13:13.

It’s the greatest because it’s the last quality formed.  What’s the bottom line?  If you want to love like Jesus loved you have to reproduce what Jesus had in his soul in your soul.  And that means growing in wisdom and stature till you become a mature man or woman in Christ.

Same thing, different book:  Col 3:14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  TRANSLATION:  After all these other qualities are formed in your life, you will be able to demonstrate love, the relational glue that only comes from MATURITY (perfection).

I’m not making it up.  It’s in the Bible.

The urgent need of the church today is that Christians will be deeply rooted and grounded in the faith and that we will sink deep roots before we spread wide branches.

What do you think?