Birds and Bees, Round 2

The bedtime story of the Virgin Mary giving birth to the baby Jesus (from a children’s Bible) gave rise to this exchange last night with our kids:



Josie (kindergarten): What does it feel like to have a baby?


Dad (who knows these things): It feels all exciting and crazy and fun.


Josie: Noooo. I mean in your body!

Dad: It feels like a baby inside is pushing and shoving and saying, “Let me out of here!”


Josie: Does it tickle? Does the baby come out your mouth?

Dad: Nope. It comes out closer to your belly button [okay, I wimped out].

Mom [interrupting… hmmmmm]: Honey, it comes out from a special hole by your pee pee.

Josie: My pee pee! Whoah! [she giggles]

J.D. (four years old): Can little boys have babies?

Dad: Nope, but you help.

J.D. (tearing up… about to cry): Little boys can’t have babies come out their pee-peeeeeeeeeez. Wahhhhhhh! I want to have a little boy come out my pee-pee.

Dad: Trust me, Son, you don…… [interrupted][again]

Mom: [wisely] What do you want to name your baby, J.D.?

Dad: [very wisely] I want to name a baby Pickle!

J.D.: [smiling now] I want to name my baby Spot!

Josie: But how does the baby get there?

Dad: Okay, time for bed, kids.

The human brain has 100 billion neurons and 100 trillion synapses.

It requires every one of them to keep up with my kids.



3 thoughts on “Birds and Bees, Round 2

  1. This is more like the sex talk. That other talk you had wasn’t the sex talk just the body talk. This one and the one that you avoided at the end, lots more fun and……the rest of the story will probably produce another good blog or two. Like one of my friends whose son answered the phone after the sex talk with “They (his parents) can’t come to the phone right now they’re having sex” (the parents swear they were changing clothes for a baseball game and were perfectly capable of taking the call).
    Or one young son who must’ve already had an idea about “how the baby got in there” as he plugged his ears during the entire talk. Or another boy who exclaimed “But you and mom don’t do that any more do you? That’s disgusting nobody your age should be having sex” (Can’t wait to call him when he reaches that birthday)

  2. When our school-age son asked how the baby got inside his/her mother, I took a deep breath and told him, emphasizing that the man and woman were married. A couple years later his sister asked the same question, and while I was taking a deep breath, he told her (leaving out the bit about being married). I have no idea how many other kids he told . . . .

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