The Annoy-a-tron

In a relentless commitment to enhance the life of you, my dear reader, I came across the ThinkGeek Annoy-a-tron, and my mind is racing at its multiple annoyatron.jpg applications. And also how it could get you into a lot of trouble, and perhaps in the national news as surly looking federal agents haul you off to prison.

What is the Annoy-a-tron, you ask?

It’s a beeper. It beeps at random intervals. That’s all.

Pick someone who needs tormenting. Hide it in his or her: office, bedroom, kitchen, or car.

The randomness is pure genius. When your victim begins looking for “whatever the heck is making that beeping noise,” she won’t be able to PREDICT when the next beep will come. That’s because the interval varies from 2 to 8 minutes. Unbelievable! The work of an evil mastermind!

thinkgeek.gifOr hide it in his carry-on baggage, and hope that it beeps when he’s going through security! Ha! Ha! Ha! Think of the ensuing hilarity!

The Annoy-a-tron is brilliant. And it’s oh-so-affordable at only$9.99 plus shipping, handling, and maybe tax. Wow! Is that a bargain, or what?

It even has a built-in magnet to make hiding it easier.

A couple of months ago, some guys got in a lot of trouble for an advertising stunt. They put electronic-looking boxes all over New York, to promote a new movie. Not funny, in our post-9/11 age of anxiety. Lots of people thought they were something dangerous. False alarm. Bad, bad promoters.

But the Annoy-a-tron is different. It isn’t promoting anything. It’s just for fun. Surely our federal agents would appreciate the humor of it after they’re done evacuating the building and you tell them it was just an Annoy-a-tron. “Oh,” they would laugh as they slapped their thighs. “Just an Annoy-a-tron. Nice. Back to work everybody.”

Laughing at others is good for you, like the Bible says:

“A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22, NKJV.

Just don’t hide one on my pulpit. That wouldn’t be funny.

LATE NOTICE: My wife/attorney just read this post. She says that it’s not funny and Ilawyers.jpg have to say THE USE OF AN ANNOY-A-TRON COULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW, AND DON’T DO IT, AND ESPECIALLY DON’T DO IT AROUND ANYBODY WHO MIGHT HAVE ‘FEDERAL’ IN ANY PART OF HIS/HER TITLE. Here’s a picture of my attorney:

As Mick Silva writes, “Bachelors have consciences. Married men have wives.”

What might you (or someone you know) do with an Annoy-a-tron? Leave a comment…


9 thoughts on “The Annoy-a-tron

  1. I don’t know about the annoy-a-tron but I can still recall the glee on my Father’s face as he and a family friend hid a “fart-machine” at the grandparents table at my sisters b-day party…

    …when can I get one!

  2. My boss makes us pay $5 every time our phones/laptops/crackberries rings or even BEEPS in a meeting. He claims to donate the proceeds to charity, but I know he doesn’t. I have to get one of these, and put it in his briefcase! Ethical question: Can I expense this?

  3. Bob,
    I think technically if you can prove a business benefit–such as “staff development” or “moral boosting”–then it is definitely expensible.

  4. What might someone do with an Annoy-a-tron? How about: get arrested, possibly?? Maybe open themselves up to some serious physical harm…?

    You’re correct – I’m a wife and agree with your attorney!

  5. Bill,
    First I want to congratulate you for your breakthrough idea. In an age of pop-up ads, automated political telephone messages, and pet psychologists (psychoanalyisis for the pets, not from the pets), you have come up with an entirely new and quite insidious method of annoyance. I think this may be the most annoying thing to come along since Karaoke reared its ugly head in the late ’80s, although some of my friends think that honor may go to that Sanjaya guy.
    As far as applications go, the possibilities are nearly without limit. Classrooms, co-workers, and funeral homes are natural proving grounds for such a device but why stop there? A convenience store would be a great place to see how many times an employee would check the microwave for a rogue burrito before sensing something was afoot. Sort of a Pavlovian thing.
    With some waterproofing, a good boat, and steady hands a person could attach these devices to various forms of sealife. I think the best targets would be dolphins with their echolocation system (bats would be a good choice on land) followed by orcas and other cetaceans. Sure they’re smart, but do they have a highly developed sense of humor?
    Just think, add a heart-rate monitor and a few cameras to any of the aforementioned scenarios and you’ve got yourself a bonafide scientific study. I smell grant money!

  6. Dear Tony,
    While I blush at the congrats, I cannot take credit. The Annoy-a-tron is the invention of ThinkGeek, a company that also brings you a USB Rubber Missile launcher. Click the Annoy-a-tron to go their website, worth the visit.

    Your applications are genius. I would have to classify you as an evil mastermind.

    However, I am appalled at some of your suggestions, and do not recommend them, as the sense-of-humor quotient in America is rapidly declining. One need only look at comedians like Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, and the guy who played Kramer for proof.

    Kids, don’t try ANY of Tony’s suggestions! He’s an evil mastermind, whom we love in Christian love, out of sympathy and compassion.

  7. Brilliant. Now, to open my friend’s computer tower and drop this in…
    Or perhaps to place it in a break room…
    Inside a refrigerator…
    Or better yet, to waterproof two, placing them at either end of a public swimming pool…

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