The Christmas Police

christmas-cursing.jpgThere’s a new tyranny in America. A tyranny of Advocates of the PO’d. That’s Potentially Offended. Okay, some major stores now forbid employees to wish us Merry Christmas. Two years ago I told my church that the gloves have come off against Christmas. This year, the TKO has been delivered. A local teacher is doing a huge Christmas production without using the word Christmas. Orders have come down from on high that as a word, Christmas is verbum non gratum.


Why? Because certain people would be offended potentially. And the Potentially Offended, as a class, have many advocates. Too bad that they occupy managerial offices, political offices and school board positions across the land. In their eagerness to make sure that nobody is offended they’ve banned the word Christmas because it has Christ in it and he represents a particular religion.

I’m offended.

santa.jpegUhhh… isn’t Santa Claus short for St. Nicholas, a Christian saint? By the same (idiotic) logic, shouldn’t we ban Santa Claus? I can see it now: asinine lawyers and cowardly politicians throw up their hands in despair. What can we do? We don’t want to get sued?

What can we do? Tell them to shut up, in Christian love. Get a spine and fight the lawsuits. Your communities will back you.

happyholidays.jpegWe are told to say “Happy Holidays” instead. Wait… isn’t Holidays short for “holy” days, and won’t that potentially offend the irreligious, the atheists, and the anabaptists who preach that every day is holy? Really, if we’re going to ride the train of this ludicrous logic, let’s ride it all they way to the end. I advocate for the irreligous! Let’s ban “Holiday Greetings” and “Happy Holidays” and any other permutation that even smacks at holiness.

While we’re at it, we must forbid our employees from ever saying Good-bye… a contraction of God Be With Ye. An Anglicized Via Con Dios, if you will. No more Good-bye’s lest those who wish God to not be with them be offended. I need a pinhead–I mean pinstriped–lawyer to bring a class action suit!

loki.jpegAs a Christian, I take personal offense against the word “happy.” If you tell me “Happy Holidays,” I’m going to sue. Happy is derived from the Middle English, hap, which means lucky. And I don’t believe in luck. I believe in Providence. I’m offended by luck. In fact, if you tell me “Good Luck,” I’ll sue you too, because you just threw the name of a Norse god at me: Loki, the god of mischief.

Heck, I’ll sue if you toss any false god’s name in my direction. Better not say any day of the week:

  • Sunday–the Sun god’s day.
  • Monday–the Moon god’s day (Lunedi, in Italian)
  • Tuesday–Tiw’s day, the Norse God of War (Martedi–Mars is the Roman god of war, in Italian)
  • Wednesday–Woden’s Day (a.k.a. Odin), the King of the Norse gods
  • Thursday–Thor’s day, may he hurl his thunderbolts at the advocates for the potentially offended
  • Friday–Freya’s day–the wife of Woden.
  • Saturday–Saturn’s day, another Roman God


How come I can say the names of all those other gods, but can’t say Christ?

moron.jpgThis is not a religious issue. It is a moron vs normal-people issue. Don’t you think? It’s a free-speech issue. Have ever actually met a person who was offended by a cordial Merry Christmas? Aside from over-zealous metrosexuals with an agenda, the total number of Americans who are offended by Merry Christmas is about twelve, and they should be institutionalized. You live in a religious country. The predominant religion is Christian. We’re not trying to shove anything down anybody’s throat. We just want to comment on our Savior without getting in trouble with the “authorities:” our bosses and politicians.

The pool of the potentially offended is minuscule. As are the uhhh–cojones–of those who advocate for them. It is not the offended who tyranize us, it is their self-anointed advocates.

To them, all I can say is: Have a Happy Flippin’ HannuChristmaKwanzaDan.





© Bill Giovannetti. 2003-2007 All Rights Reserved. Including the neologism: HannuChristmaKwwanzaDan. All artwork is copyrighted by their creators.


10 thoughts on “The Christmas Police

  1. AMEN!!! This is a BIG pet peeve of mine.

    Suggestion for the workplace: ASK people, privately, if its OK for you to wish them a “Merry Christmas,” or if they’d prefer “Happy Holidays.” You’ll get 99.9% permission to use the C word. I’ve been doing this for a couple years now, and it works, it’s fun, and it’s an easy way to get into discussions of spiritual things. And, you can’t get fired if you’ve gotten permission.

    Also, let’s post the names of retailer who DO use Christmas in their advertising. In the Chicago area, HOME GOODS is doing just that. Let’s support them. And tell a supervisor why, when you check out.

    There. I feel so much better now. Merry Christmas, everybody! Great blog, Bill.

  2. Yikes! So it IS a conspiracy!! Ya think??

    MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! (Silly people, where would Christmas have come from without Christ….merry merchandizing?)

  3. I’m trying to think whether this is a case where “I agree with what you affirm, but disagree with what you deny.” 🙂 Or maybe it’s just a philosophy vs. methods issue… From a trend perspective, attempts at blocking and re-defining Christmas are at the VERY TOP of my serious peeves list. I’m with you – and I would LOVE to hear about love-based solution plans.

    BUT – from an individual, one on one friendships perspective, I find that carrying my peeve into daily conversations is counterproductive. For instance, if I have a co-worker who is a devout Jew (and does not believe Christ), though I KNOW Christ is the only way, and Christmas the true Holy-day, little is accomplished if I insist on forcing a ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS!’ on her via greetings and cards. That says, “This is what I believe, and if you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong. And – you’d better respect my freedom to be right.”

    However, since she KNOWS that I celebrate Christmas and we’ve had conversations where I’ve been able to gently but firmly share why I believe Christ is the only way… I think it says something when I sweetly smile a ‘Happy Hanukkah’ to her before I leave for Christmas vacation. Sounds more like, “I acknowledge that you celebrate a different holiday than I do. And, even though I believe Christ is the true King (and pray that everyone else will come to as well), I respect your choice to believe differently. The difference in what we believe doesn’t change the fact that I care about you, and your heart. And so does my Jesus.”

    I have loved to get behind the ‘moron’ perspective too. Collectively. And I know you’re not advocating going around calling individuals “morons”. But this year, I find me honestly asking myself: does it work to think of people as a group of morons collectively, but, individually, to answer Christ’s call to love them? Hmm. I’m SO far from getting this, or doing this consistently. (Asking myself the same things about scammer duct cleaners and proponents of emergentism). But I think it’s a question worth chewing on.

  4. The Christmas Police are trying to tear the very fabric of our soles, we the majority have been turn into the minority. I am not religious, but I am open to new ideas. I love Christmas, it was a special time to share with others, parents, grand parents, special friends. It has never mattered if they were Christians, Jews, Mormons or Moslem’s. It always gave me a better understanding of our differences and it all seemed that each religion leads to the same place. I am really ticked that Intelligent people like School Officials have gone to the extreme of creating Winter Break, now we know why Johnny can not read and spell, we have idiots teaching. We wonder why our people cannot get along, politicians are creating Race Issues by treating people differently, we have Black Day, Latino Day, but what about White Day? I love Christmas, Merry Christmas everyone…We love You

  5. It’s not just that we have idiots teaching in public schools (and I’m one of them), we have an idiotic system. A taxpayer supported government monopoly, which is what public education is, inevitably produces this. These issues, like evolution and sex ed, usually start in the schools because some overly sensitive school board member is afraid of a POP (potentially offended person, to build on Bill). There are also those, as folks in Chicago are constantly reminded, (although I will let him be in the ranks of he-who-will-not-be-named) who do sue school boards whenever the opportunity allows them. Without public schools and the taxes that support them, private schools could flourish, without governmental interference. They could be concerned with what schools should be concerned—educating children and producing productive citizens. Right now, our schools are worried about giving free breakfast and free lunch to p.c. test drones. To make it plain, end the public system in favor of a private system. We can start with vouchers until we show the public system for the failure it is. If you want to see the future as it stays on its current course, rent the satire Idiocracy. The movie puts its story 500 years in the future. I say the future is now.

  6. As an addendum to the days of the week and following the institution for the retardely PO’d. Hope that offended someone somewhere… 7 Days should be banned in America too. Because that is based on the original 7 day plan in Genesis. We can’t even have a 7 day week. Which means we should change our entire time for a day format since we cannot divide them into 7’s. Because that is a religous number too I think. Can we ban that and 3 since they both hold deeply religious meanings… Let loose the Dogs of War on all things that have any meaning whatsoever!!! Wooooo!

  7. While I share Bill’s catharsis over all this politically correct (PC) idiocy, the bigger implication is Christians fiddling while our freedoms burn. Unless we collectively take actions to spend our time and money to push our country back to our Christian foundation, we will find ourselves the victims of the PC’s “Final Solution”, i.e. the effective extermination of Christianity in America. If you think it can’t happen, look at what complacency has brought to traditionally strong Christian nations like France and Spain. I think I’ll defer on the new flat screen TV or mag wheels and up my support for groups on our side like Focus on the Family. Instead of more old M.A.S.H. reruns, I think I’ll write Pelosi/Boxer/Feinstein a few more letters! Ah-h-h…I feel better already!

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