The Progress of a California Cold

mancold1.jpegBack to blogging! I took a break for Christmas, and then got a cold. Not a good old midwest cold. But a nasty California cold. That’s why I haven’t blogged for a while.

If we could put a lojack on my cold virus, I suspect it would have come from my kids’ school. From there to my wife and then to me.

If you have not yet viewed the Man-cold video, this would be a good time. Then come back here.

runnynose.jpegNow you understand why I couldn’t blog. Or preach.

When I lived in Chicago, a cold hit a guy almost all at once. Maybe you started with a stuffy nose, but then your head turned to cement and you just felt lousy. A California cold is different.

It starts a scratchy throat. This morphs into an incessant hacking cough. OTC cough suppressants don’t work against it. This cough is accompanied by little men who invade your throat and stab your tonsils with daggers. This makes you not want to swallow, which, in turn, dries out your tonsils making them into tonsil-jerky. The angers the little men who then stab harder.

wwhining.jpegAll the while, the rest of your body feels fine. No congestion, runny nose, or any of the other stuff connected with a cold. That comes after the initial attack has softened you up. Oh, when I asked my wife if she would pat my head and say, “Poor little bunny,” she gave me the DWER (dreaded wifely eye roll). She’s sick too, but mine’s waaay worse.

After you’ve coughed your throat and chest into kung pao, the next germ wave hits you. Abdominally. The only thing I’ll say here is owww. A midwest cold never hit me abdominally. California cold germs were bred in the weakened immune systems of vegetarians and therefore wreak more havoc on us unsuspecting carnivores.

And my head hurts. Ibuprofen (Advil) stopped working too.

I am now about ten days into my ordeal with no end in sight. This cold is terminal. It’s been a good life, though, and I’m thankful.

stopwwhining.jpegOne of the most maddening symptoms is the crunchy sound inside my head. When I lay down my sinuses drain. The mucus doesn’t drain out–that would be a blessing. No, it oozes from one sinus cavity to another. This makes a crinkling noise as if someone is crinkling a sheet of paper. Endlessly. Inside my head. It literally keeps me up at night. “Poor little bunny.”

My hacking cough continues. Now, however, the germicidal warfare has kicked it up a notch. While I tossed and turned, the little men shoved a tube of caulk up my nose and filled my entire head with impenetrable goo.

The little men filled my 32 p.s.i.-rated head to 80 p.s.i. Very funny, little men. If you think I’m joking, I’m not. It’s scientific. Here’s a picture of the little men. Click it to see the fascinating details.

littlemen.jpeg

See? I told you. Meanwhile, the terminal cough continues. Pray for me. “Poor little bunny.”

At least I have my appetite. Happy New Year. Here’s a picture of the gift I got you.

coughspew.jpeg
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9 thoughts on “The Progress of a California Cold

  1. ur such a thoughtful gifter. but i think il regift those billion germs to my teacher with pneumonia! let him get to god faster! tis the least i can do for him.

  2. Wow – sounds like you have a committee in your head too… and they don’t have good intentions toward you. Hmm – CA colds sound suspiciously like midwestern sinus infections. I know they have like a million kinds of Sudafed; I recommend the Non-Drying stuff; helps it all ‘come out’ better. Feel better soon, k? And Happy New Year!

  3. Beew. I’b sowwy dat you hab a Cawifodya code. (sdiff). Hewe in Chicago it’s onwy 5 degwees fawenheit out. I’m shibbewig, but at least it’s a dwy code.
    Wewcub back. (sluuwp). (hack). (wetch).

    Bawb

  4. Deaw Bawb,
    Yew r so hiwawious. Wy awen’t you bwagging? Peepow would wub it.
    I am sowwy it is so code in youw uhwban awea. It got code heaw too. We had snow faw fwum the sky and made snowpeepow. But it’s aww gone and in the pipties. And ow snowpeepow meowted.
    Tank yew fow simpatyzing.
    Beew

  5. Dear Beew,

    Not to get to serious here, I wouldn’t want your head to explode, but I appreciated your quote by Sheldon Vaanauken last Sunday morning in the re-run sermon. Several years ago I read (at my wifes urging) his book “A Severe Mercy” and was blown away! What a wonderful book. Have you read it?
    There was one quote from that book however, that I keep with me in my Bible because I find it so disturbing. Now, this is not a major issue, the sermon just reminded me of the quote so I thought I would share it with you. He wrote:

    “Oxford had really represented to us two things so intertwined that we did not clearly distinguish them. One was the apostolic faith in it’s fullness, as represented by C.S. Lewis and Charles Williams. The other was high civilization, sweet reason and the life of the mind….
    Religiously, we longed for the lively life in Christ, but we did not fully see that we were equally longing for the lively life of the mind-the delights of conversation at once serious and gay, which is, whatever it’s subject, Christ or poetry or history, the ultimate civilized thing. When we spoke of the lively life in Christ, we meant keenness to be sure, but we meant the subtle discourse on the meaning of Christ’s way that is, in fact, ONLY POSSIBLE AMONG HIGHLY ARTICULATE AND CIVILIZED CHRISTIANS. There was perhaps more faith in the Virginian churches than we perceived, faith that was real but inarticulate and not thought about. But we, seeing what looked like apathy in one direction and, in another direction, watered down Christianity, began to wonder whether in Protestantism the apostolic faith were not dying.”

    I won’t get into the whys and wherefores but I’ve always had a problem with this quote.

    Second thing. On the subject of Grace, have you every read “What’s So Amazing About grace?” by Phillip Yancey?

    With ALL the sympathy worthy of a MAN Cold. (I had mine)

    Aahlin

  6. Poor little bunny!! So sorry to hear about your man cold, but being a woman (and much tougher!!) I hate to inform you that about half the population has a cold right now – “shared” mostly by their beloved children/grandchildren. The “softies” are experiencing their “man colds” while their “tougher” counterpartners are nursing the entire family!

    Hopefully, we’ll all live for another day….

    Wewcub back!! And Happy New Year – to the best one yet!!

  7. I can only send my deepest condolences… to Margi… who has been ‘urged’ by many I’m told to blog for herself. Hope to see that soon… maybe when her ‘poor little bunny’ is thumping again. As for me and my house? There is a threat of rabbit stew if I hear one word. Just kidding… but he doesn’t know that.

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