A little standardization, please?

screwthreads.jpgWhile you slept, or maybe your grandparents slept, the American National Standards committee began its life-altering work on the standardization of screw threads. Thank God! What would our lives be like today if every screwmaker did what was right in his/her own eyes? Our lives would be incalculably more difficult.HE: “Honey this screw doesn’t fit either!”SHE: “Forget it. I’ll just cook inside.”Oh, the horror.If our government has the foresight to standardize screwthreads, why can’t they standardize beds? We moved to CA with a queen and quickly upgraded to a king. (One of us thrashes, but I’m not saying who/m). But what kind of king? A California King or a King. It turns out the CA King is longer and skinnier. We don’t need longer and we don’t want skinnier. So, we opted for the good old American King.

calking.jpgHere in CA, we call it an Eastern King. The rest of America calls it a King. Says a lot, doesn’t it. Who needs a longer bed? Go figure.

What we didn’t figure was how tough it would be to buy bed linens for a King. Cal King, no problem. King, you’re stuck with the cheap stuff that feels like sandpaper.Why? I pay taxes. I demand a national Committee On the Standardization of King Sized Beds. It makes as much sense as screw threads.

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And what about butter sticks? An American butter stick is long and lean. In fact, any butter dish you buy is shaped like an American stick of butter. But not in California. In California, a stick of butter is short and squat and fat. It does NOT fit in a butter dish. You are left with a greasy mess. Margi bought a butter dish with a lid. The lid smushes the butter, and when you remove it, the chunk (it’s not a stick) of butter sticks to the lid.

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I recently asked some CA friends about the butter-issue, and they had no clue what I meant. They’ve bought into the lie. They don’t even make butter dishes shaped like a CA butter-chunk. Who can fix this? Why must California be so alien? What gives?All I know is that if we can spend millions standardizing screw threads, we can afford a few phone calls to California dairies to standardize butter stick/chunks. Until then, it’s spray-butter for me.

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5 thoughts on “A little standardization, please?

  1. Can’t answer your question about the butter chunk, but since I’ve been a Californian since 1949, I might have an answer to the why we’re so alien.

    California is the BEST place on earth, especially Sonoma County, but I digress. Since it is the best place, almost everyone wants to come here and tries. This is the answer – we have just about every kind of person, thought, and lifestyle available to mankind here. We are FREE to be whatever/ whomever imaginable, and take full advantage of that. Such an eclectic group of human beings… Who cares about butter sticks like others have? We’ll do what we want because we CAN! We are on the “cutting edge,” even if it appears to be over the abyss by the rest of America. (Maybe Massachusetts has the same mindset!) Please don’t call us arrogant, we’re just the free-rights-loving, nature-embracing, Berkeley-inspired intellectuals who know it all! Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot all the politicians who are so favored to be living in this State too. They do want to be elected again, so they assimilate quite well into the general flow of attitudes within our State and are proud to share their constituents’ wishes in the halls of government.

    You are quite right California is alien! Fortunately, there are a few really weirder aliens who actually don’t buy into the general thought patterns and would fit probably better in the Bible-belt regions of our great country. These are by far the smallest of minority, but we’ll continue living here mainly because of the great weather! I wish butter sticks was the biggest of the “alieness” of this wonderful State…

  2. Dear, poor, pathetic Jean,
    The butter issue is the biggest alieness of this State. You poor thing, you’ve bought the dairy deception. You’ve swallowed the red pill (or is it the blue one?).
    I will pray for you.
    Bill

  3. Thank you SO much. I sure need your prayers!! Also, I should know the butter stick IS the biggest issue in CA being a long-time dairyman’s wife!! (You’re right! It IS a conspiracy!!)

  4. I need a longer bed. I have lived my entire adult life with my feet hanging over the end. The problem is that a Cal King would swallow the entire bedroom in out humble little apartment.

    I have lived in California for 28 years and I had no idea we had weird butter, my mom used margarine.

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