The Gurgitators

Our family sits glued to the Nathan’s International 2008 Hot Dog Eating Contest. Last year, the record was 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes.

They call the eaters “gurgitators.”

I’m about to add the “re-“. Joey Chestnut (NYC) dethroned the perennial champ–Takeru Kobayashi (Japan)–so this is a major rematch. It’s a lot of fun to watch. They really make it a spectacle. I wish I were on Coney Island right now.

Maybe not.

Oh…2 Chicagoans. They make us look weird. One is wearing a mask and the other a spiked mohawk.

Okay. Now I’ve seen everything. They’re now a professional sports circuit called MLE. That’s Major League Eaters. Can you believe it? Wow!

What a great country!

Where do I sign up?

I love the play by play.  They say things like, “Right now, the two best are neck and neck.”  Right now, at the halfway point, Chestnut is still in the lead, but Kobayashi is beginning to close!  “About a two dog difference, and both of them have a dog in the pipe.”  “He’s also the tamale eating champ from Lousiville, Texas.”

Where do they come up with brilliance like this?

There’s Bertoletti, who is the ice cream eating champion AND the pickled jalapeno eating champion.  He’s my role model.  Kobayahsi is playing wounded;  he has a bad case of ‘jaw-thritis”.  He’s leading right now. He’s downed 51 to Chestnut’s 50.  They’re dunking their buns, squeezing them small, inhaling then, cramming dogs down their throats.  It’s amazing.

Kobayashi now leads 54-52.  It’s soooo exciting.  My kids are engrossed and grossed.

We did a 40 second wild countdown in our house.

Final score… Joey Chestnut 59… Takeru Kobayashi 59.  Now what?

A five-dog eat off.  They call it a DOG-OFF.  It’s the first ever.  Wow!  Am I glad I didn’t miss it.  Whoever downs 5 hot dogs first wins.  Amazing.  Ready, Set, Go!  My stomach is churning.  I have to look away.  And the winner is….  Joey Chestnut!  The Yellow Mustard Belt stays in America!  Hooray!!!  Our kids celebrate!

Maybe I have the spiritual gift of gurgitation.

My favorite line from the commetators:  “The passions may be raw but the hot dogs are cooked.”


7 thoughts on “The Gurgitators

  1. Oh my, do you have a way with words!! I’m soooo sorry I missed this brilliance! What was i thinking….?

    Hooray America! We should be so proud!!

    Happy 4th everyone! I really am glad I’m an American and live here (in gorgeous Sonoma County!)!!!!

  2. Okay, I’ll be the legalist wet blanket.
    Maybe I don’t know what gluttony is, but this looks a lot like it. What’s the difference between glorifying this event and a porn marathon on Cinemax? Sounds like there should be a punchline here, bit there isn’t one. Hey, I’mglad you enjoyed it, and I’m glad in America we have the freedom to do it, but I don’t think that’s what the founding fathers had in mind. Well, maybe Ben Franklin did.

    Mike M, great response, but they did try it. It was called Chubby Bunny. Remember the marshmallow game?

  3. I’m sorry. I went to the related post and tried to watch it, but my gastric reflex would not allow it!

  4. Matt A,
    Well, if somebody’s got to be the legalistic wet blanket, it might as well be somebody who’s normally not a legalistic wet blanket.

    I gotta say, though, that you’re analogy is way over the top. No punch line. But it’s exactly this kind of leap of logic that puts Christianity in a bad light with our mission field.

    Here’s fun, dopey silliness that entertains a few folks. Sure, it’s “why they hate us,” but your comparison (intentionally?) calls into question the spirituality of all of us who enjoy fun dopey entertainment. To equate this with the hopelessness, joyless, and pain-wracked sinfulness of the porn industry conveys an attitude that I know you don’t have.

    We can go back an forth with biblical references, but I’d rather not. I’m gonna lighten up, kick back, and go grill a hot dog in honor of that skinny Asian dude who usually wins those competitions.

    God Bless,
    Bob G.

  5. Thanks for the compliments, Bob. I honestly don’t understand how my statement “puts Christianity in a bad light in our mission field.” When I say I don’t understand, I mean that in its basic form. I don’t understand it. What do you mean?
    I have to respond to two other points. As far as I know, this side of glory, everyone’s spirituality is in question, which to me means, nobody’s spirituality is really in question. We’re all struggling sinners on their way to heaven strictly by the grace of God. And God knows I am not against dopey entertainment. This year notwithstanding, I’ve been a Cub fan my whole life. How dopey is that? And a tv show I love that I didn’t mention a few blogs back is “Green Acres.” I think that’s one of the funniest shows ever. It takes all kinds. I guess when I see a gluttonous display like that, I think the food could be put to better use, although I’m sure it wouldn’t be.

    As far as the porn industry goes, I gotta believe that some of those people find it a joyful and hopeful way out of the dead end that is their life. I have no idea how many but there has to be some. After all, it’s sex. From what I hear, that can be fun. But if I found people who enjoy the sex industry, it wouldn’t make what they do right. And I don’t believe that people who enjoy porn are any more sinful than people who eat too much. They’re all in bad shape.

    I’d say more, but “The Simpsons” are on and it’s an episode I’ve seen only eight times.

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