Single Green Male Seeks Single Green Female…

frog1Day 10: we have now completed ten days with a Jurassic frog outside our bedroom window. It sounds like a cricket with a bullhorn.

I have always loved frogs. As a boy, I caught them in swamps at Camp Awana and near lakes wherever we vacationed. As a young adult, I found a small  frog hunkered down in a potted plant in the produce department where I worked. I made her my pet, named her Caroline (in honor of the other produce clerk I was working with that day), and kept her in an aquarium. She lived about two years and ate store-bought crickets.

leopardfrogMy favorite frog is the leopard frog. It’s beautiful. But now, my love for frogs is wearing thin.

I do not like anybody or anything that disturbs my sleep.

This frog showed up in our back yard after a rainy day. It seems lost. There’s no chorus of frogs, just one. This makes him louder. Instead of the droning chorus of dozens, I have the spasmodic croaking of one. I’ve hunted this Jurassic frog with a flashlight at night. I’ve searched for it in the waning hours of daylight. When I draw near, he enters Froggy Stealth Mode.

I’ve been told he’s probably an inch long–that the small ones are the loudest. This one has a high pitched resonance. Not really a ribbett. More like a chirp on steroids. With reverb.

frog3I ate frog legs only once, at Taste of Chicago. Yeah, exactly like you know what.

I grew up in Chicago. Not in the cushy suburbs, but in the city itself. Strong stuff. All my life I heard about the beauties of nature, and how peaceful and quiet it is to live in “the country.”

Now, I live in “the country.” I have learned one big lesson: Mother Nature is loud. Howling coyotes. Screaming owls (or was that a coyote eating a rabbit?). Bears turning over trash cans. Redneck rifle shots. And yes, Jurassic frogs. Oh, for the quiet of the big city!

Anybody up for a night of giggin’? Otherwise, I pray for a frog-mate to come along, provide a nice romantic tussle, and shut this guy up once and for all.



Local book signing, one last time…

If you’re in Northern CA, please come to my last local Inner Mess book-signing. This one is at Barnes & Noble in Redding.  This Saturday, April 25, at 10:00 a.m. till noon. Even if you bought your book elsewhere, bring it and I’ll be happy to sign it and to say hi. Hope to see you there. Click here for details.


14 thoughts on “Single Green Male Seeks Single Green Female…

  1. So funny!

    Any peacocks your area? Their romantic summons sounds like someone’s being murdered in the middle of the night! My grandson wanted to know what that weird noise was – we’ve just become accustomed to their calls, except maybe right under our bedroom window.

    Welcome to the country!! Redneck gun shots I think are far better than drive-by shootings….or Chicago-style hits….?

  2. If your friendly froggie finds a mate…….they will croak back and forth to each other all night long. Stop bein’ such city folk and enjoy the county! PS-I grew up in the getto’s of Long Beach………I love living in the country.

  3. Bill…I have a solution for you, that I swear by…personally. White Noise Machine…it’s the only way to go! One word of caution on this…once you get used to the “white noise”…it’s addicting and then ya can’t hardly sleep without it. But hey…what’s it worth to ya…to get a good night’s sleep 🙂

    • Thanks Kathy for the suggestion. We actually run a humidifier that has that soothing white noise going. But Jurassic frog pierces thru even the whitest white noise.

  4. Col… thanks for the head’s up. I have to change my prayers, and hey, I can’t help where I grew up, can I? I’m living my own Green Acres…

  5. Suggestion: Train your little dog to hunt for frogs. It’s about time he earned his keep.

    You do this by recording the frog noises, and playing them back on your IPhone. Smear some raw hamburger meat on your IPhone, then hide it outside, while simultaneously playing the frog noise. When Poppy finds your phone, praise him, and let him lick the meat off the phone. In order to avoid a serious ear infection, you should let him lick it really good. Repeat this every day for 2 years (small dog=small brain), or until he “gets” it. Once he’s properly associated a frog noise with a delicious-tasting phone, turn the little sucker loose at midnight to find the frog.

    Anyhow, that’s what I’d do if I were you, (and sometimes people think I am).


  6. Sometimes in the summer I feel like I am living in a jungle with all the frogs, crickets and whatever else is outside screaming for a mate. I look at it this way, I now sleep with jungle noises instead of living next to an international airport and trying to sleep at 6 am when flights take off every 10 minutes.

  7. Bill, are you sure it’s a local frog?
    Suspicious that he’s alone… with “spasmodic croaking.”
    Are you sure he didn’t hitch a ride from Africa?
    Yeah, but… are you sure?
    Did you know Africa has poisonous frogs?
    No poisonous spiders, but poisonous frogs.
    Did you know Africa has poisonous SPITTING frogs?
    All I’m sayin is, if you find him one dark night and he looks at you, and you look at him, and he starts hacking something up in his throat, well… RUN.
    Pleasant dreams!


  8. Josh, All the more reason to train the dog using the “Meated IPhone Method” (see above, patent pending)

  9. Hahahahaha! You guys have made my day! Thanks!

    Go Poppy go – go find the baited cellphone….!

  10. Bill…if you get a “real” white noise machine…it actually has a volume control. I’m certain the one on my nightstand would drown out froggy…but you can’t have it! You’ll have to get your own…unless of course the “meated cell phone” does the trick. Sweet dreams…lol

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