The time to right a grave injustice is NOW. I need your support. With God’s help and your vote, we will quench the hell-spawned fires of Daylight Savings Time. I am announcing that I will run for POTUS in 2010. I know that’s two years early, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My platform is simple:
- Abolish Daylight Savings Time as we know it, and replace it with a new system called President Bill Good Times. PBGT is simple:
- Every Saturday, before bedtime — at the time of your choosing — turn your clock back ONE HOUR. That’s right, fellow Americans, I promise you a 25 HOUR SATURDAY, EVERY SATURDAY! PBGT will impart a healthy glow to every weekend. You’ll be refreshed, wide awake, and ready for church.
You might fret that the extra hour each week will throw off day and night. Have no fear!
- Under PBGT, every WEDNESDAY, that dreaded HUMP DAY, all God-fearing Americans will turn their clock ahead one hour precisely at 2:45 p.m. Imagine a 23 hour Wednesday. Imagine eliminating one hour from that post-lunch, tired as all get out, Lord-get-me-through-this-week slot. Imagine getting out of work faster, and getting home to bed sooner. That, my friends, is my promise to you.
- Adjustments: If we have to adjust because it’s getting dark at noon or something like that, we’ll either add an hour to Saturday night, or take away an extra hour from Wednesday’s workday. But none of this “lose an hour of sleep” business, because we all hate it, and it messes up our kids.
So, that’s my platform. Twenty-five hour Saturdays. Twenty-three hour Wednesdays. Never lose another hour of sleep.
Are you with me?
Thank you, and God bless America.